Express yourself

We are always communicating something to another person, even when we are not overtly communicating. When we are not talking to someone, we are communicating that for some reason we are not talking. As long as we live, we cannot stop communicating.

All communication can be categorized as either self-expressive or non-expressive. Non-expressive communication is an attempt to deny our feelings (our self), whereas self-expression is communication of our true feelings. Both use some medium to achieve  their goals. The medium of our mind is one which is required, as it is the one that expresses or suppresses feelings via thoughts. All other mediums are secondary, but we usually need at least one of them for full self-expression. These mediums may include language, body-language, art, sports, and work.

Language and body-language are mediums available to almost all of us. They both are natural forms of communication in human beings. However, some people may need practice using them in a truthful manner. They almost always are used together, but sometimes you need to increase the emphasis of one or the other. Such an instance might be when speaking the words you hurt me is not enough, so emphasis on body-language becomes necessary by actually moving your body out of the situation, communicating that the person cannot be trusted at that moment. Body-language can be quite extensive, involving the bat of an eye, the swing of a hip, the turn of a head, the movement of one‟s body away from another, the tears you shed, the tone of your voice, your facial expression, the direction in which you cough, etcetera.

Being open to your feelings and stating them is not a position of weakness. Others who perceive it as weak are afraid to be vulnerable, for they are weak and do not face their feelings. When you face your feelings, you remind them of their weakness and how they cannot face their feelings. How other people react to your feelings tells you enough about them to see their weaknesses, provided your eyes are not clouded by your own emotions.

When you speak your feelings, do not expect a reaction of understanding from other people; there are too many people hiding from their feelings to have that expectation fulfilled. Expect them to be wherever they are at in being able to hear your feelings, and you can state where they are at. This allows you to be where you are at while they are where they are.

Using work as a medium of communication might involve a painter hearing his thoughts and feelings through his paintings. This self-expressive communication may not only show his self to himself but also to other people. The mathematician might communicate through teaching or solving formulas, expressing love by helping society function at higher levels. A journalist might express feelings of being unfairly treated as a child by reporting on people who are treated unfairly in our communities. A therapist or teacher might express love by verbally communicating with others to help them grow.

Each person has special talents which they can communicate through. You should know yours so that you can develop them further. These talents are invaluable outlets for self-expression onto the world. It is in these outlets that you are able to best communicate. As a talent grows, you increase the opening of your window for self-expression. This allows you to be and feel more whole. Work hard at your unique gifts of expression so that your self-expression can expand, effecting yourself to grow more fully.

Your career should be one where you can express yourself best, furthering your talents. This way you have an excellent resource to rely on for relieving excess hurt, anger, and stress. Consequently, you will have more love and energy for the world. The more you love the work you do, the more you support your feelings by satisfying them through the love of the work. You are able to take care of yourself as you work. The accomplishments in your work eliminate negative feelings that would come from lack of accomplishments in work you love. Since the self is better taken care of, it is free to work harder and is capable of spilling out more love towards others, for it is so much more full of itself

Doing what you love is an excellent resource of self-expression. Think about what you love. Now think of what happens when you are involved in that activity. Do you feel an expansion of yourself? Do you feel something greater? These feelings come because you are growing, and your self only grows when it can express itself. Think of people you know who are not happy. Are they using adequate resources to express themselves?

You cannot rely solely on your work, hobbies, and life-passion for all your self-expression, just as you cannot rely solely on speech and body-language. Life gives us too many feelings to express in only a limited number of channels. Whatever mediums which might best offer relief at the time are the mediums you should use. We must have both some kind of work in our lives and some people with whom we can communicate. Through expressing ourselves in these ways, we can see ourselves; others can see ourselves; we exist.

If people want to control someone, they take away his channels of self-expression, taking away his self. Once his self is gone, it is not entirely there to protect him from people who want to control him. The wife-batterer takes away his wife‟s friends, work, and other channels of expression, including honest communication, so that her self is gone. He can then use her as an object, and she is much less capable to defend a gainst his controlling behavior. Communication can never be stopped, but self-expressive communication can. It is when people allow their self-expressive communication to be reduced that they get themselves into trouble.