Against the Odds - Harness Those Darn Urges

When you are trying to improve yourself, and you make up your mind that you are going to stop a behavior that just is not good for you, whether, it is drinking, drugging, smoking, promiscuous sex, food bingeing, food purging, gambling or anything else. You are going to get urges!

  Accept that you are going to get urges. Urges can come on strong or light. It all depends on what is triggering the urge. KNOW that the more urges you resist that eventually, they will not be as strong, until one day, you will say to yourself, “Hey, I did not have an urge.” Then it might come again six days, later, but notice that each time the urge is easier and easier to conquer.

“Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” Anonymous

 We can take smoking as an example.

You decide not to smoke, for four hours you have not smoked, you have done wonderfully then that horrid craving comes on. Your urge to smoke is what you think is unbearable.

 The urge is not unbearable. It is manifested in your mind that it is a MOUNTAIN to climb rather than a bump. Treat each urge as a bump, and not a mountain. Positive control and thinking can get you over the bump, for “this too shall pass.

Whatever you are going to decide to change, such as quitting drinking, you are going to have a struggle. The first few weeks that you make up your mind that you are not going to fall down on your resolve, you need to do things to help you get over the big BUMP.

 These things can be avoidance. Avoid people who drink, avoid people who smoke, avoid actions that cause you to want to drink or smoke.

For me, on smoking, I absolutely had to stay away from the phone. A cigarette urge in the beginning was too strong for me to cope with a phone call.

So, I would tell the caller, sorry, no phone calls for a couple of weeks, until I get a grip on this area in my life that I want to improve. 

Coffee and beer were other triggers. I drank tea, and water. I stayed away from all alcohol and any social gathering where there would be smoking, until my battle with urges was under better control. If you can be around those that are doing the habit you are trying to break, then more power to you. I could not. 

Stress and getting angry were more triggers. I stayed away from people who tend to get my dander up. Eventually, with a strong desire and a strong resolve, I became smoke free. 

To change a bad habit takes determination, and yes, I failed and went out one day and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes. My urge ran up or my stress was so high that I slid back. The next morning, I began with more resolve than before. 

I thought of what I would buy with the money I saved on cigarettes. I visualized being a non-smoker, and the first thing I did was tell myself, I am not a smoker. From this minute forward I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker. I kept at that, and yes, the first few weeks were hard. I am not perfect. I balled up paper and threw it against the wall. I kept telling myself, “This too shall pass.” 

I raged at the television, as I sat to watch as some actor lit a cigarette. ARRGH, and I’d turn off the television, and I would go for a walk, if it was dark at night, I would drive to a store, and browse and walk to get away from seeing cigarette smokers. 

If I can do it, I know you can change any bad habit that you want to change, and that is the absolute key to changing any habit. You must really, really want to quit that bad habit, with your whole heart and soul. And, you need support to help you get through those bad days.

I changed a bad smoking habit into a good walking habit. How about that? 

Support for me, was my family and friends not insisting I talk to them on the phone, and my smoking friends to not smoke around me and cut their visits short. My friends would go on walks with me. People who accept that you are determined to meet your goal, and will respect your decision and have faith that you will reach your goal are good support friends to have in life. 

I don’t care if you want to change a bingeing habit for eating, or if you want to not use drugs or you want to quit caffeine, some habits are harder to give up than others, some will be a life time determination. It doesn’t matter what the bad habit is, you can take control of your own life. When you decide that you have had enough of the bad habit, you can meet with success. 

So, when you want to change, write down the triggers that cause you to do the habit you want to stop or change. Don’t place the blame on others. Take control of that change. Do stay away from “the others” that trigger your emotions that help cause the defeat, and keep a journal. Your journal will be able to help you discover the very triggers that I am talking about. 

It is not someone else’s fault that you smoke, or you drink/drug, gamble, have eating binges, starve yourself, or are heavy. It is not someone else’s fault that you procrastinate, or stay up late all the time, or bite your nails. No one else can change you, and you cannot change others. Accept that, and reaching your goals will be way easier. If using drugs/drinking is your problem and you find that you make excuses, such as ‘Oh, that, I’m sorry, I was drinking.” 

Remember, there is no excuse for what you did when you were not sober. You were sober when you decided to take a drink, and you were sober when you knew that when you drink you would probably do something unacceptable. The responsibility starts before you take that first drink. It is a good reason to not drink. 

When you need to soothe yourself, and decide to go on a shopping spree, when your credit cards are pushed to the hilt, and you know it is hurting your credit ratings and upsetting a spouse, you know you need to change that behavior and change a bad habit for a good habit. 

Yes, you will run into those that will try to sabotage your efforts. 

There are those that sabotage. They may not even realize what they are doing, or maybe they do. The spouse that brings you candies to eat, when you are on a diet and the friend who brings the “bottle.” 

“Oh, come on, so you are a little fat, you are under stress, a little candy is not going to hurt. I love you just the way you are. “ OR “Oh, come on you’ve had a bad hair day, let’s have a few drinks and relax.” 

They are well meaning friends that you don’t need when you are fighting urges and setting goals to remove bad habits out of your life. 

Don’t blame them if you fall back on your resolve. Just accept that you cannot change their behavior. So either stay away from them or expect the bumps and be firm and learn to say NO. Better yet, have supportive friends around you for as much as you need them, especially when the one who is trying to pull you down is around. 

Remember, the one who is offering you the no, no’s in your life, is very afraid of change, too. If you get to your desired weight, how will it affect the other person? 

If you quit drinking, your drinking buddy has lost a drinking buddy. 

Okay, so you have tried to quit your bad habit, maybe once, maybe a hundred times and each time you failed. That was then; this is now. If your habit is a very addictive one like cocaine, or drinking and you are sure you will end up physically sick in your recovery, then you need to get serious about getting professional help to get you off those drugs. 

If you just drink too much and can go several days before you get drunk and let the drink control your life, then you can quit without physical sickness. 

When a habit threatens your health, such as cigarettes, or being obese, or you are anorexic, or purging your food or when a bad habit such as drinking is out of control, then you need to face reality, and get out of denial and take control of your life. You can do it. 

If you have several bad habits I would really suggest that you choose the most dangerous one such as: Alcohol vs. smoking. Alcohol would be your immediate choice. When that is under control and you feel ready to face another one, then go ahead. 

Trying to do too much at one time can set you up for failure. Be kind to yourself and try not to bite off more than you can chew at one time, but do bite off something! 

“The only people that fail in their endeavors are those who quit prematurely or simply never try at all.” Anonymous 

Remember, changing your thinking and believing that you will be successful, is the root of all successful change. Take control of your life.